Play date with Aunt Sylvia & Uncle Casey ;)

‎~ I thank my God upon every remembrance of you :) -Philippians 1:3

Can you believe it's almost been a year? Saturday. The 12th. 1:29pm, 2 pounds, 10 inches. I don't even know where to go with this post....really it's probably too late for me to be attempting this. I'd love to say that things are so much brighter than they were this time last year, that the pain is bearable and that I'm alright with it. But the fact of the matter is that none of that would be true. Today is not brighter, the pain is still unbearable, and I'm so not okay with having her gone. Somedays I question my faith, and other days I know without a doubt that she's up there watching over her big brother. I feel like all that has changed is that I'm harder now. If you avoid something long enough maybe it never happened? Keeping it bottled up is easier. Since the very first day of January I felt this week creeping up on me. And how awful that really it just nauseates me. The whole experience. I just want to feel ok. I want the pain to go away, and the burden to be lifted. There is literally nothing that can fill this void. On a positive note, I am grateful that we were able to bury her with my Grandpa in Royal City. What a comfort it has been to have a real place for Grayson and I to visit her. We always pick out flowers before hand...well Grayson does :) and usually they are orange(his most favorite color). Ahh, well I'm really tired, and this post is exhausting me.

--To be continued--

LOVE ME

-"Self reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being ones own person is it's ultimate reward." Patricia Sampson


I'm a sucker for quotes. I love quote books, especially ones with quotes from general authorities. This lil quote is off an app I have on my phone. It was yesterday's quote of the day.


I've learned so much the past year, I'm really a completely different person...in a lot of good ways. The hardest part for me.....actually, scratch that. ONE of the hardest parts for me has been the conclusion that you can't count on anyone in this life. Not only because people lie, and let you down...but because you just never know what the future will bring. If someone would have told me a year and a half ago that I would be in the position I am in now, I would have thought they were ridiculous. You just never know. Working and getting a higher education has been the best thing for Grayson and I. It's so, so, SO tough. Everyday. Mostly we just try to survive. And we make it. Every time Grayson asks me why I gotta leave I tell him "Cause mommy wants to clean teeth", and he looks at me like I'm crazy :)...but it's going to pay off one day. We're gonna go far together :) :)

Heeey, Heeey :)!

Yay! Look who's blogging again?! I AM ;)! I've been meaning to start a new blog for months now, and I haven't gotten around to it. Thankfully, I have a really great friend who totally took the initiative for me :) :)!Thank you, Sylvia and Casey :)! - It's hard to know where to begin. I feel like this first post should define life today for Grayson and I. And I'd really like to bring you all up to speed, but I think the best way to do that is just to start from TODAY :) . 

My little pumpkin pie is gone for the weekend, so I'm left with not enough to do and WAY too much silence. I really should be grateful for the break, and use the time to get homework done and our living area straightened. Buuut why do that when I can just sit here and do a little self inventory?? It's sad, but it's good for me because after all the sorting out in my brain I still come to the same conclusion. And that is that Grayson and I are where we're suppose to be. No matter how rough it is, or how bad are hearts hurt...we're gonna be happier than we've ever been someday. And not just happier, but stronger. Grayson reminds me everyday how resilient he is. It might sound silly, but I learn from his example. He doesn't just keep me going, he keeps my head on straight and my chin up. 

:) How's that for a 1st post? It'll have to do...gotta get ready for work (Maurices, for those of you who don't know.) Happy Saturday, everyone!

Ps: Come what may, and love it!