Can you believe it's almost been a year? Saturday. The 12th. 1:29pm, 2 pounds, 10 inches. I don't even know where to go with this post....really it's probably too late for me to be attempting this. I'd love to say that things are so much brighter than they were this time last year, that the pain is bearable and that I'm alright with it. But the fact of the matter is that none of that would be true. Today is not brighter, the pain is still unbearable, and I'm so not okay with having her gone. Somedays I question my faith, and other days I know without a doubt that she's up there watching over her big brother. I feel like all that has changed is that I'm harder now. If you avoid something long enough maybe it never happened? Keeping it bottled up is easier. Since the very first day of January I felt this week creeping up on me. And how awful that really it just nauseates me. The whole experience. I just want to feel ok. I want the pain to go away, and the burden to be lifted. There is literally nothing that can fill this void. On a positive note, I am grateful that we were able to bury her with my Grandpa in Royal City. What a comfort it has been to have a real place for Grayson and I to visit her. We always pick out flowers before hand...well Grayson does :) and usually they are orange(his most favorite color). Ahh, well I'm really tired, and this post is exhausting me.--To be continued--
LOVE ME
Little Henley loves you so much. The day that you are reunited again will be such a special one. :) I love you, and you are so strong!!
ReplyDeleteHolli,
ReplyDeleteI can't pretend to know the things you've been through the past year. But from what I do know I just wanted to tell you that I think you are strong, beautiful, and amazing.
I'm excited for the life you are creating for you and your sweet boy. You are doing great. Remember that.
Love you.